Your story has barely begun and yet you become attached quickly. The start of a romantic relationship is always a special moment because it is what will determine the rest of your relationship. One thing is certain, you want to strengthen your bonds and maintain a strong attraction. But the false start, when the relationship suddenly ends, is what you fear the most. So how do you keep everything from falling apart? Whether you’re looking to strengthen your bond, avoid common pitfalls, or simply better understand the dynamics of starting a relationship, you’ve come to the right place. Prepare to transform uncertainty into opportunity and lay the foundations for a fulfilling love story by increasing the mutual passion that drives you.
WHY AM I HAVING TROUBLE COPING WITH THE START OF A RELATIONSHIP?
It will surprise you, but the worst moment in a romantic relationship is when you decide to become a couple!
I know you’re wondering if you read that correctly, and I confirm, that the beginning of a romantic relationship is the worst time. I’m not talking about the beginnings where the term “couple” had never been discussed and where passion was at its height. I mention the situation following the formalization of the relationship.
THERE IS EMOTIONAL UNCERTAINTY
The beginning of a relationship is the moment when instability is greatest. There are systematic doubts and fears, and we wonder if this is the right person for us.
Think back to your last story, were you in the state of mind I just described or did you launch into it with passion without thinking about the consequences? I’m sure it’s not the second option!
In love we think, and even more if you are a man, because the notion of commitment is not just a simple expression. No decision is taken lightly.
WE HAVE TO MANAGE EVERYONE’S EXPECTATIONS
Each partner enters a relationship with different expectations, which may be influenced by past experiences, cultural norms, or relationship patterns observed in their family environment. Aligning these expectations, especially regarding time spent together, financial commitments, or plans, can be a challenge.
THERE IS GREATER SENSITIVITY
When you first start dating, it’s obvious that the feelings aren’t as strong as those you might feel after a 20-year relationship. If you compromise too much from the start, the feelings may not be strong enough to encourage you to stay, and vice versa.
Certainly, early love is passionate, there is a certain dependence on the other and you cannot do without your partner. But when the first arguments appear, fragility will be more present at the start of the relationship rather than after several years.
This is particularly because, over time, complicity will be created, trust will grow and the bond will become more and more important. As a result, some people may feel this fear of making a false start and have greater pressure.
THE 4 MISTAKES TO AVOID AT THE START OF A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP!
It is crucial to know what can cause problems because this is how we can anticipate difficulties.
At the beginning of a romantic relationship, you must be aware that the attachment is not yet strong enough. That doesn’t mean that there is nothing between you, there is an attraction, obviously, but it’s only the beginning and everything can quickly change. Whether on one side or the other.
So, we can either tell ourselves that the person we just got together with doesn’t suit us. Or maybe it’s the other who says that about us. This can automatically cause tension.
1/ AT THE START OF A RELATIONSHIP, WATCH YOUR WORDS!
When you start a romantic relationship, you have to keep your natural side but you shouldn’t reveal yourself too much either. There are 2 reasons for this.
First of all, in this way, you will keep a part of the mystery and that is what attracts the other, whether it is a man or a woman. If you manage to intrigue him then you will score points.
But above all, the words you use can have repercussions. And there are therefore necessary subjects to avoid. Discussions about politics, religion, or other sensitive topics may be premature. Focus first on what unites you, not on what might divide you.
Take it gradually and make sure you’re on the same page. You will then have plenty of time to discuss your disagreements!
For example, I coached a woman who had made awkward comments about migrants and it turned out that the man she was lusting after had family in Africa. He felt directly targeted by her comments and did not hesitate to make it clear to her that he did not appreciate her way of thinking. From there he moved away.
Ultimately it was a misunderstanding, but he was hurt by thinking that she was denigrating these populations. They were able to relaunch their story with better communication but it was entirely avoidable.
2/ BE CAREFUL OF YOUR ACTIONS AT THE START OF A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP
At the beginning of a relationship, your actions will also be scrutinized. Here again, I have a coaching anecdote to share with you.
I accompanied a young man in his twenties who was left after a week, even though the attraction was extremely strong. He didn’t understand what was happening to him because he was convinced that they were two soul mates.
However, he had an attitude that greatly displeased his girlfriend and she decided the point. This even though they had just started a romantic relationship. The reason? He had been violent towards an animal while she was passionate about defending and protecting animals. Yet he knew it, but he had no idea that it could come to this…
I can’t say it enough: make sure your actions match your words. Integrity and reliability are attractive qualities. But you must also understand and respect your partner’s limits, this shows that you value their comfort and autonomy. If words are important, know that actions are even more important!
3/ YOUR PAST CAN PLAY TRICKS ON YOU
When you want to start a romantic relationship, you must be aware that it is a new relationship. And very often the person in front of us does not know us.
Questions will then be asked to find out more about your life, your previous stories, and other aspects of your past.
To get started in a new relationship, you need to avoid angry topics. So a word of advice, don’t reveal your past too quickly. Take it gradually and keep a little suspense!
It’s best to use your past experiences to enrich, not hinder, your new relationship. Even though it may be a reflex, I strongly advise against comparing your current partner to previous relationships, it can be tricky and counterproductive to start a happy relationship.
4/ HAVE A SIMILAR LIFE PLAN WHEN YOU START A RELATIONSHIP
There is no beautiful romantic relationship without a common life project. Except that at the start of a new relationship, we don’t know the real aspirations of our other half.
Therefore, if you want to manage the beginning of a story well, it is better to show your affinities rather than your differences. So, the closer your life projects are, the more likely you will be to touch his heart!
If your other half realizes that you are too different, a breakup may occur. For example, if you dream of going to live in Canada while your partner is very close to his family and does not even consider moving to live 50 km away.
As you can see, there are pitfalls to avoid to maintain attraction at the start of a relationship. But there are also tips to increase budding feelings…
WHAT DOES THE PERFECT START TO A RELATIONSHIP LOOK LIKE? THE 3 CRITERIA FOR BUILDING SOLID FOUNDATIONS!
Each person has their definition of the ideal relationship. However, there are certain points on which everyone agrees.
In my opinion, when we ask ourselves what to do to have a positive start to a romantic relationship, there are 3 criteria.
COMMONALITIES
First of all, you have to show that you are on the same wavelength as the person with whom you want to go further. This means you have to show that you share common passions, that you agree on many things, and that you are similar.
This will create a strong bond, and when you feel close to a person, the feelings come more quickly. In addition, the goal will be to create unique and memorable experiences that reinforce the feeling of unity and belonging.
INDIVIDUAL AND SHARED HAPPINESS
The second piece of advice I have to give you for getting off to a good start in a romantic relationship may surprise you. I believe that you should not spend all your time together! You have to go gradually to maintain a strong attraction.
If you move too quickly, your relationship risks running out of steam. The secret to starting a relationship (and indeed a long relationship!) is not to appear too assertive in the eyes of your partner!
COMMUNICATION
My third piece of advice is more classic. It concerns communication. During each conversation, you must make sure that you have made yourself understood clearly. This will avoid misunderstandings or interpretations which can be sources of tension.
