Relationships are not easy, they are two different personalities and temperaments; different goals, dreams, perspectives, and even expectations.
However, some situations are not normal and should be avoided. Exercising control over your partner is one of those situations. Since it can lead to a breakup and even serious consequences, both physical and emotional.
In this article, we want to present the symptoms of this type of personality and situation in a relationship, the causes, and how to overcome the situation in case you identify abuse of control in your relationship.
We recommend that you consider the possibility of seeking professional help or guidance for your partner, or to treat the symptoms of a controlling personality. An excellent option is an online psychologist specializing in the topic of relationship conflicts.
What is it to be controlling or a controlling person?
A controller or a controlling person is a person who seeks to have absolute control over the decisions or situations that others have around them, regardless of the needs or opinions of the people with whom they relate. In a romantic relationship, being controlling refers to limiting the couple’s freedom and autonomy by trying to control all the important decisions of the relationship.
The controlling person will question their partner’s thoughts, and decisions and even criticize their opinions to have control over all situations that happen. This behavior could have serious consequences such as mistrust, and intimacy, and could even lead to domestic violence.
Examples of controller behavior
The person who seeks to have control over situations has behaviors or signs that will make you identify whether the person is controlling or not:
- Check the person’s cell phone constantly
- Limit your circle of friends or restrict living with people you don’t like
- Constantly jealous or distrusting your partner
- Limit your daily activities or even not allow you to go out
Although the controller can present itself in many ways, you should keep in mind that when you identify some signs that make you uncomfortable or do not allow you to be the person you are, you should turn to a mental health specialist to prevent the matter from getting worse.
Symptoms of a controlling person
To know if you are controlling in your relationship, you need to know what the signs or symptoms of a controlling person are, and we present them to you below:
First of all, a controlling person tries by all means to ensure that the situations and behaviors of others conform to what they think is correct.
So if you do this with your partner, you are probably at the level of a controlling person and you are not aware of it.
Keep in mind that we all have a way of doing things, and although we would like them to be done as we believe is right, we cannot expect it to always be that way.
Being thorough and being controlling are two different things. If you notice that your partner is inhibited from doing things his or her way, then you should evaluate whether you have led him or her to that state.
If so, you are falling into a controlling personality type and therefore you are slowly sabotaging your relationship.
Other symptoms are:
- Constantly criticize your partner, to exercise control over their actions, thoughts, and words
- Isolate your partner, so that they do not have their circle of friends
- Constantly accuse her of not knowing how to do anything
- Frequently making passive or active threats
- Condition your manifestations of affection or love
- Using blame as a tool
- Taking away space and intimacy from your partner
Causes that lead a person to be controlling in their relationship
Controlling behaviors should not be taken as normal, it is not a question of “I am like this” since there are clear imbalances in behavior and personality.
That is why you need to know the causes to know how to face and overcome the need to control your partner.
They are usually caused by the insecurities of those in control. So it develops as a defense system against the fear of lack of control.
Likewise, it is a mechanism to feel greater satisfaction, which is why it also accuses a type of emotional lack.
The controlling person perceives any change in the external environment or any free decision of their partner as a threat to their emotional stability.
How can the controlling personality be treated to establish a healthy and stable relationship?
If you detect that you exhibit symptoms and behaviors of a controlling personality in your relationship, it is best that you undergo effective treatment that allows you to reform your attitudes and behavior.
The first thing you need is to become aware of what is happening, since that way you will be able to assess the help that a specialist can give you.
The form of treatment is through psychotherapies, and this must be determined by a psychologist after evaluating your situation.
That is why it is important that you contact a psychologist for an evaluation and diagnosis session, and from that point on they will tell you how they will work to overcome your desire for control.
An online psychologist is an excellent option since psychotherapies are online and conveniently adjust to your schedule and conditions.
How to stop being controlling?
If you are the person who is affecting your relationship and you are looking to heal the wounds caused by being a controlling person, we share some tips that can help you stop controlling your partner:
- Accept the problem: if your partner is being affected by your behavior, recognizing the problem and seeking professional help from a psychologist can help provide you with the tools to help you control your emotions.
- Trust yourself: a controller can arise due to a lack of self-confidence, once you learn to trust yourself, and trust your partner and loved ones.
- Work on your self-esteem: working on your self-esteem with your psychologist will help you accept yourself as you are and not seek approval from other people.
- Be empathetic with your partner: understand your partner’s feelings, interests, and needs and empathize with their ideas and opinions, learn to listen and reach agreements to strengthen the relationship.
- Communicate your discomforts: do not impose your rules or your decisions arbitrarily, communicating your discomforts or communicating assertively will help you reach better agreements as a couple
- Be patient: stopping being controlling is not an easy task, it is a therapeutic process that can be carried out with online psychology. The results will take time but they will be effective so that you and your partner can live a full life.
Conclusion
Being controlling in your relationship can cause a series of consequences that, although you may not notice them at first, will seriously affect you.
Seek help and allow yourself to be guided and guided to overcome this type of problem in your mental health.