The break-up time has come. You have tried to put the pieces back together in vain, you have made efforts and changed your habits, but nothing works, and your relationship is no longer compatible. Whether this decision was taken by mutual agreement or by one of the two partners, remains difficult to digest. Indeed, whether we stayed together for a few months or several years, this breakup marks the end of a chapter and requires time to get over it, even if it happened without drama. When the end of a love story is caused by infidelity, it certainly breaks our hearts, but the desire to cut ties with our ex is stronger than anything. Conversely, if after the breakup the partners remain on good terms, many are tempted to maintain ties. It must be said that this phenomenon is increasingly visible. In the United States, it even has a name: “frex” (contraction of “friend” and “ex”). But then, what does it mean to want to remain friends with your ex? Is this possible and how to achieve it? We tell you everything.
The difficulty of leaving everything
After a breakup, you are not only a partner but also a friend. Regardless of the length of our relationship, it has been an opportunity to share many things and experiences with this person. By leaving it, we lose our bearings. Also, the idea of no longer counting, almost overnight, for our partner, is difficult to cope with. We then try to remain friends to prove to each other that we will always matter to him. We even hope (a little selfishly) that he will have regrets when thinking of us and that he will have difficulty replacing us. But very often, when we are in this state of mind, it is because we hope that the relationship will start again one day or another. A complicated situation that will often end badly. Before wanting to embark on a friendly relationship with your ex, it is necessary to ask yourself the right questions: “ Why do I want to keep him in my life? », “ Am I still in love? “, ” Do I just want to watch him so I can take my revenge? », “ Is it because I don’t want to be alone? “. If we answer positively to one or more of these questions, the ideal is to distance ourselves from our ex to give ourselves time to rebuild ourselves, think of ourselves, and thus be able to start again on a good basis. But generally, no longer keeping contact with our ex remains the best solution. To help ourselves, we remember the reasons that pushed us to break up so as not to fall back into our mistakes.
A friendship under certain conditions
But rest assured, friendship between exes is not impossible. To achieve this, you must first distance yourself to mourn the loss of the relationship. Going immediately from a romantic relationship to a friendly relationship is not natural for human beings. We must give our brains until now accustomed to feeling desire for this person, time to make the transition. To achieve this, we cut ties for a certain period (minimum 3 months) to focus on ourselves and our well-being. But be careful, for this recovery period to bear fruit, the breakup must be complete. No calls, no messages, no stalking on social media. We thus put all the chances on our side to succeed in turning the page. Only when we are sure that we no longer feel anything for our partner can we try to reconnect to start a friendly relationship.
This transition differs depending on the person and may be more or less easy to initiate. Either way, communication is key. In love as in friendship, it is indeed important to demonstrate honesty. If we still feel resentful about our old relationship (a mistake committed by our partner that we cannot forgive, a lie, etc.), we share our feelings to make everything right. flat and try to start again on a good basis. When you move from a romantic relationship to a friendly one, you also need to think about putting certain rules in place and imposing some limits on yourself. Indeed, it is out of the question to continue to call our partner by his old nickname, to send him sweet words, or even to ask him at the slightest opportunity. He no longer shares our life and is therefore no longer required to accompany us in our small daily challenges. Also, when one of the two partners has met a new person, it is important to listen to this new member. This relationship can indeed be disturbing, in which case we will be led to draw a line under our friendly relationship with our ex to favor our new love story.
Why stay friends?
The friendship between exes can seem crazy to some. But for others, it may be a real need. When we have always gotten along well with our partner and considered them as much our darling as our friend, losing them completely is very difficult. If romantic feelings are no longer there, that doesn’t mean that we no longer want this person in our life. Especially if the latter was our friend before becoming our lover. Keeping this person in our circle of friends then allows us to maintain a certain balance and to be happier. If we have children together, being friends also ensures that our offspring have a healthy environment and thus lessens the shock of separation.
In any case, it is important to listen to ourselves and not repress our desires. If we want to remain friends with our ex, it is important to ask ourselves why. If this relationship makes us more fulfilled, why not try, conversely, if it prevents us from moving forward, it is better to cut this story short to start a new one peacefully. Generally, everything is a question of balance but each party must find its benefit.