Love: this quest that inhabits us all and which leads to absolutely unique sensations. When we fall under the spell of a person, we project ourselves positively and inevitably we see ourselves happy as a couple, happy as a couple. But contrary to what many people may think, living as a couple must be learned . Indeed, it is essential to adapt to the personality of the one we love, we must also satisfy our own needs to avoid falling into harmful frustration and it is also essential to take into account certain other parameters.
In my opinion, and this is the subject of my entire philosophy, love is one of the strongest feelings that can exist. But it’s not the most powerful. In my opinion, happiness is still a step above, and it is even happiness that will determine the feelings that you have or that the other person may have. And many coaches think the same way. In this article, I asked Mathieu Vénisse from the Penser et Agir blog to discuss the 7 keys to being happy as a couple because I found his concept of happiness in love very relevant.
BEING HAPPY IN LOVE AND THE PARADOX OF THE COUPLE!
Almost everyone admits that a romantic relationship is good. The reason so many people decide to get together is clearly because we believe the relationship can contribute to our well-being and happiness.
However, everything is not rosy and the configuration of romantic relationships seems to cause as many problems as it solves!
For example, a survey carried out in 2016 about young Generation Y (born between 1980 and the year 2000) revealed that 52% of them judged that a romantic relationship was very important for their personal development. And to go even further, 34% of them felt that their relationship was not a priority. This is why so many young people of this generation are forming relationships later and later. It is all the more paradoxical since 91% of those questioned, regardless of their age and gender, think that they cannot be happy without love.
If so, why do so many people in relationships seek happiness together? Why do they feel like they can’t do it? One of the reasons is simple. People who are not happy in a relationship do not know the ingredients of happiness. They often ignore an important truth: love crumbles or does not last long until it is properly nurtured.
HOW TO BE HAPPY AS A COUPLE WHILE LOVE EVOLVES!
If you doubt love will disappear, ask every separated couple you know. Few people will tell you: “We never loved each other”. They will be more likely to say instead: “ We don’t love each other anymore .” This fact should convince you of one thing: if you love someone enough to be in a relationship with him (or her), know that this love will not last forever unless you maintain it.
Statistics relating to divorces and breakups in France confirm that you must do everything possible to keep the flame alive. Take for example: in 1996, only 155,000 people were unhappy enough in a relationship to separate. By 2012, the figure had risen to 253,000 people, an increase of 63%. Many people in relationships say they love each other, but seem more inclined to separate. Beyond all the reasons mentioned (mood incompatibility, betrayals, disinterest, too demanding jobs), we must come to terms with the reality: the intense and powerful love that we feel at the beginning of the relationship has ended up… fade or rather evolve .
You probably enjoy being in a relationship or even marrying the man or woman of your dreams. This feeling of living with someone contributes enormously to your personal development. However, everything is not decided in advance. Being happy as a couple cannot be improvised, and your will alone is not enough to make you a happy person. Happiness comes through sustained effort. But above all, you need to know the recipe for happiness as a couple. And this cannot be summed up in a single sentence. It is rather a set of almost innocuous little things, but all essential, which must be handled with care. The following 7 elements help to have a happy relationship in the long term.
1/ HAVE ACTIVITIES IN COMMON TO BRING THE COUPLE TOGETHER
This is undoubtedly the first secret of a happy couple. Why is it important to have common activities to live your love to the fullest? Why is this so important? Think. What usually attracts you to someone is that they share something in common. For example, a young woman will say to her friends: “I met a guy who likes tacos like me.” Or again: “We share a passion for art”. It is no coincidence that we want to find our passions, our desires, and our favorite hobbies in the people we fall in love with.
In fact, this passion for common activities is also a sort of glue for the couple as soon as you get together. If you both enjoy walking on the beach on a Saturday evening, you are creating a common activity that brings more bonding to your relationship. On the other hand, if you are both immersed in activities that take you away from each other, you will have difficulty creating happiness for your relationship. This is how. It is therefore up to you to know what you want for your relationship. By this, we don’t mean that we have to be glued to each other all the time. But ask yourself this question:
Many people worry that shared activities will create boredom. Certainly, the risk exists. But you don’t have to worry as long as you have time for yourself, or to do other things. Just schedule times to do what you both love. Build a routine of things that make you both happy. And if you can’t find one, now is the time to take the plunge and create your memory of shared activities that keep the couple afloat. In this area, the proverb “Birds flock together” is worth its weight in gold.
2/ BECOME AWARE OF THE IMPORTANCE OF A LIFE PROJECT AND PULL IN THE SAME DIRECTION!
Seeing life the same way has a direct impact on a couple’s happiness. This requirement recalls a quote from the famous author Antoine de Saint-Exupéry:
This beautiful sentence conveys an essential truth for those who want to be happy as a couple: it is important to have the same
objectives, the same values, and the same conception of life. When you see things differently in almost every area, the number of arguments and breakups is more recurrent.
Manage your professional activity well to be happy as a couple
If the need to have a job is imposed on everyone, we must recognize that our work often has a perverse effect on our love life. Lovers who both come home very late, who barely see each other, and who have to work hard to earn money tend to drift away from each other. A survey revealed that employees of IT firms were more inclined to separate and live alone. The main reason: many firms impose 12-hour days and manage to provide their employees with everything they need on-site.
Consequence: the latter has, so to speak, no convincing social and romantic life. So ask yourself if your vision of work matches that of the person you love. Do you agree to work far from each other? Can you bear to work hard and only spend a little on your relationship? If one of you cannot tolerate this hectic pace of life, the happiness of your relationship will suffer.
Have the same vision about children!
What you think about children also has a direct impact on the future of your relationship. Will you have any? If yes how much? And how often? Where will you raise them? Do you agree on how to educate them? Are your standards and your way of proceeding adequate? These are questions that should be discussed from the start of the romantic relationship. For what? Because raising children is, after work, the second recurring cause of separation in couples.
The famous American psychologist John Gottman noted that 67% of couples were less and less happy as a couple after the birth of the first child. Some separate as soon as they announce a pregnancy, because they are not prepared to have a child, or do not want one. Others leave the person they love because the other parent seemingly pays more attention to the child than to their relationship. But in either case, the problem is that the people involved have never really discussed their goals and the place that children will occupy in their lives. Even if you are very much in love, don’t make this mistake. Talk about it and agree to only continue the relationship when your views on this delicate subject align.