Couple relationships 5 tips to make them work

Couple relationships are a fundamental part of life and can generate well-being but at the same time discomfort.

Over the centuries, couple bonds have taken on different meanings. They have gone from being considered a means of promoting alliances between different groups to forms of business aimed at economic success and social affirmation.

Today in a functional couple relationship we share affections, and common interests, and the stories of two people can intertwine, giving rise to very complex bonds.

Bonds nowadays are often characterized by the idealization of the couple’s relationship as a space where one can find answers to one’s needs and where one can realize oneself.

If on the one hand people today have a greater chance of finding partners of any kind, on the other we are faced with a very high divorce rate. This happens for multiple reasons including the numerous alternatives we face and a social ecosystem that has accustomed us to the fact that it is easier to replace something that doesn’t work, rather than take care of the relationship and commit to building something lasting.

I’m not critically saying this but unfortunately, it’s like this, whether we want it or not, social changes have led us in this direction.

However, building relationships with like-minded people and being able to create a deep and lasting bond can be truly beautiful and satisfying. I’m not referring to the phase of falling in love in which we all feel over the moon, but to something different, the construction of a bond in the interweaving of two stories that create a shared one.

Ok, I don’t know if it’s clear, I’ll try to explain myself better, but let’s proceed in order.

How do we choose partners in relationships?

First of all, you must know that initially the choice of partner occurs mostly at an unconscious level and is linked to one’s individual and family background.

We usually choose partners based on similarity, therefore with characteristics that appear similar to ours or on the contrary due to difference.

The first phase of falling in love

The first phase of relationships is characterized by that phase we call falling in love.

At this stage, you feel extremely excited and high. Our brain releases a great cocktail of neurotransmitters, which produce these very pleasant effects.

Initially, the relationship is based on the idealization of oneself and the other. Flaws are ignored by our brain and we only see all that is beautiful around us.

Illusion  Disillusionment

The initial excitement which usually lasts a few months, sooner or later fades, or in any case is reduced, but this should not appear as a negative thing. In this phase, we begin to see the person we are with for who they are in their entirety. The illusion ends and we move on to a phase of disillusionment.

Now we can finally realize the person we have at our side and create a deeper bond, knowing their strengths and weaknesses. In fact, “solid” love, as Bauman would say, is only possible if two people share themselves and their stories on a profound level that goes beyond the momentary illusion. At this point, if this transition from illusion to disillusionment leads to a functional renegotiation of the relationship, the relationship will start on excellent foundations.

However, we all know how difficult it can be to keep the flame of a relationship alive and above all how much effort taking care of the relationship requires.

I think that there are no real secrets that allow us to make relationships work, as in all things I think that what makes the difference is commitment, never taking the other person for granted.

5 tips for making a relationship work

I repeat, I don’t believe there are miraculous strategies and I believe that the only thing that counts is commitment. However, let’s see how we can make our commitment to fruition in the relationship and how we can communicate it to the other.

1. Knowing how to forgive

Knowing how to forgive is the basis of the functioning of any relationship. We all make mistakes, and making an effort to understand and show acceptance and tolerance towards each other’s mistakes will not only strengthen the couple but will help us be better as people.

2. Manage conflicts effectively

   Conflicts are inevitable and can represent opportunities for growth for the couple if managed effectively. I refer you to the article on conflicts.

3. Find common interests

   Find some pleasant activity to do together, a sport, a course in something, or practicing a stimulating activity together can improve your relationship as a couple. Even finding TV series to watch together can be an idea, although finding more engaging activities is preferable from my point of view.

4. Small gestures

   In a relationship, it is important to never take yourself for granted and small and simple gestures now and then to remind the other person how important they are perhaps one of the most important things to keep a relationship alive. They can be flowers, chocolates or anything, the important thing is to make them. Don’t always wait for special occasions, birthdays, anniversaries, etc., but make everyday moments special with small gestures.

5. Cultivate hope and trust in the relationship

   This is also very important, trust is one of the fundamental pillars of relationships. Without trust, a relationship cannot evolve functionally. Accept the fear of being betrayed, or abandoned, live the relationship without regrets, and commit yourself. Sometimes you can be scared to commit, you can’t know if the other person is willing to do the same. However, we are much more likely to regret what we don’t do than what we do and what goes wrong. So I think it’s better to live a relationship with trust and cultivate it, with the risk of it going badly, rather than not doing it, risking losing everything beautiful that it could give us.