How to take care of others? Here’s a question we often ask ourselves… Taking care of others means above all taking care of the relationship that unites us with others. Whether it is love, friendship, or blood, a relationship needs to be cared for, pampered, pampered, maintained, and cultivated daily. I can’t give you the recipe for happiness (that would be too simple). On the other hand, I can give you 10 good tips for taking care of others and your relationships in general. The recipe for a successful relationship is here…
Tip 1 Have fun
Have fun together. Have a good time. Laugh together and, above all, laugh at yourself too! There’s nothing worse in a relationship than taking yourself too seriously.
Plan authentic, real moments where laughter and good humor will be there.
These moments can be stolen over a café, during a long evening, or an impromptu aperitif… It doesn’t matter, as long as the moments shared are sincere and cheerful.
Learn to enjoy these moments shared and see happiness wherever it is, even if it seems insignificant to you.
Tip 2 Be present
Be physically present as much as possible. And, when you are present, truly be present. Forget phones, screens, and all the things that could distract you and “catch” you. Enjoy the moment and leave the rest for later…
We all know that there are moments in life when we don’t have enough time, but never forget to express a thought or gesture toward others. Whether it’s a phone call, a message, a little note left on the living room table, the words of a song that made us think of him… There are so many ways to say to others:
Tip 3 Accept the silence and absence of others
Know how to accept that the other has their difficulties, their moments of absence, and their personal space where they need to find themselves. Don’t take “everything for yourself” as they say. Do not imagine that the absence is permanent and do not see it as a sign of “disenchantment”, rejection, or abandonment.
Before ruminating and imagining 1,000 things you could have done to deserve such silence, ask yourself if this silence or this momentary absence is simply due to a difficult time for the other person.
Maybe he’s overwhelmed at work? Perhaps he is going through a difficult time with a colleague or a family member. It’s worth asking the question…
What we must remember is that we must not directly see evil where it is not. We all, at some point, need to find ourselves in our bubble and isolate ourselves a little. This is not why we love others more!
Tip 4 Express yourself
Drop your modesty. Tell the other person how important they are to you. Tell him what he brings you and how he brightens your days. (I would like to point out that this advice is valid for all types of relationships. If you spend a lot of time with a work colleague, you need to tell them how much they mean to you.)
Dare to tell the other person what you like about them, what you sincerely appreciate. When you had a good time, say so. When you laughed together, say that it made you feel good. Say anything that will please the other person and add a caring dimension to your relationship.
Conversely, when something is not going well, if you feel that tension is building, if something has hurt or challenged you… say that too. This will avoid leading you to conflict. However, always think about the intention behind your words and the way you express yourself. For example, never start a discussion by saying:
Try, as often as possible, to start this type of conversation keeping in mind that the other person may not have intended to hurt you, that they may not even have realized.
Tip 5 Avoid mind-reading
In other words: don’t think for the other! This is truly one of the worst things you can do. Get out of the pattern of interpreting actions, words, gestures, attitudes, and others. You are neither in the other person’s head nor in their place. So, you don’t have access to the infinite possibilities and subtleties that go through each other’s heads. You can only access it by asking questions! But imagination and interpretation will inevitably lead the relationship “straight into the wall”.
It is about giving others their place, their right to exist, and to have their free will. To respect the fact that what he thinks is his own and that no one can think for him… If you have any concerns, ask him questions! This is the only way you will find the answers.
Tip 6 Accept others as they are
Don’t try to change it. Wanting to change others amounts to telling them clearly: “You are not as good as you are! ». We all know the effects of this kind of message. It’s a guaranteed clash! Short or long term…
If things bother you about someone else, ask yourself what that tells you about yourself. What does this mean to you? Who does this remind you of? What situation? At what event?
The other is there to help you learn about yourself. The situation that arises through your relationship is an opportunity to get to know yourself better. If you see things from this angle, you will no longer seek to change others but you will refocus on yourself and on what you can change or heal within yourself to evolve.
Tip 7 Love others
The previous point leads me to say to you: “Love the other”. If you love him unconditionally, you won’t try to change him and your relationship will be healthier.
Be careful, I’m not telling you to accept anything and everything under the pretext of unconditional love. The other must also respect you and accept you as you are. The relationship is based on a balance where everyone must be able to be themselves without being afraid of the other’s gaze. In a relationship, freedom is a virtue that no one should have to sacrifice.
Tip 8 Respect yourself
We talked a lot about the place it is good to leave to the other in the relationship. Now it’s time to think about you. Knowing how to listen to and respect yourself, not over-adapting to preserve the relationship, saying what you think, and expressing what you feel are all ways of respecting yourself, respecting the relationship, and respecting each other. ‘other at the same time.
Respect your values and your needs. Say when you feel violated. Having a high tolerance threshold can be a good thing as well as a bad thing. Because one day or another, by not respecting yourself, life will put an event, a person, or an experience in your path that will force you to do so. It’s life’s learning but it can be painful.
Tip 9 Don’t forget yourself in your relationships
Along the same lines as “Respect Yourself,” don’t throw yourself into a relationship without asking yourself what YOU need. Balance is important, if not “the key” to a successful relationship. To take care of others, you have to take care of yourself.
If you are the type to give everything to the detriment of your well-being, ask yourself this question: “Am I capable of receiving? ». It often happens that people who give without counting are in reality people who have not learned to receive. You may think you don’t have enough value and the right to receive through a relationship. This inevitably creates an imbalance. That’s why you need to work on yourself to solve this problem. Otherwise, your relationship could become toxic, both for you and for the other person.
Tip 10 Heal your wounds to take care of others
When tension appears, what it reflects is quite simply the meeting between 2 unhealed wounds. Being aware of this allows you to put less pressure on the other person.
Indeed, in the event of tension, we tend to accuse the other, to see them as responsible for what we are experiencing or feeling. But you will know from today that what affects you is the consequence of a past injury that you have not yet healed. Taking care of others also means healing your wounds…