In a relationship, communication is a fundamental factor that determines whether the relationship will be healthy and work or not.
The way we express ourselves and listen can strengthen love and understanding, or create problems and alienation.
Communication as a couple invites us to explore our deepest thoughts and emotions, and discover the complicity that arises when we understand each other.
Why is communication important in a relationship?
Communication plays a fundamental role in a relationship, as it is the means through which we connect, share our thoughts, emotions, and needs, and build mutual understanding.
What do we achieve with good communication?
Link Building
Effective communication creates a strong emotional bond between the members of the couple.
By expressing ourselves openly and sincerely, we allow ourselves to know and understand our partner better, building trust, intimacy, and closeness.
Conflict resolution
Open and honest communication is essential to manage and resolve relationship conflicts that inevitably arise in any relationship.
Trust building
By being able to express our thoughts and feelings sincerely, we create an environment of trust in which both parties feel safe, without fear of being judged.
Emotional satisfaction
Healthy communication promotes emotional satisfaction in the relationship. By feeling heard, understood, and valued by our partner, we feel emotionally supported and loved, which strengthens the emotional bond and contributes to the happiness of both.
Alliance in decision-making
Good communication facilitates joint decision-making in the relationship. By discussing and sharing ideas, opinions, and goals, we can reach mutual agreements that benefit both parties.
Identify obstacles in communication
One of the keys when it comes to improving our communication with our partner is to be aware of the obstacles that prevent it from flowing.
Below we present the most common and important ones:
Lack of active listening
When one or both members of the couple do not pay attention to what the other is saying, mutual understanding and understanding are difficult.
When we talk about active listening we mean paying full and genuine attention to what the other person is saying, showing interest, understanding, and empathy.
It involves avoiding interruptions, asking clarifying questions, and demonstrating understanding without judgment.
Assumptions and misunderstandings
There is no doubt that over time we get to know our partners a lot, both their expressions, emotions, and thoughts… but it is very important to be careful when making misinterpretations that lead to misunderstandings.
It is very common for people to interpret their partner’s words or actions according to their perceptions and past experiences, which can distort communication and cause conflicts that take a heavy toll on the relationship.
Lack of expression of emotions
Lack of communication skills can lead to misunderstandings, confusion, and resentment.
If needs, desires, concerns, and emotions are not clearly expressed, the couple may have difficulty understanding each other. We have to be very careful in the false belief that it is not necessary to express what we need to our partner because when they meet us they should know.
Let us remember that our emotions depend on our perception and this at the same time on our experiences and current state of mind.
Differences in communication styles
Each person has a communication style, and when these styles differ, there can be conflicts. Some people may be more direct and assertive, while others may be more passive or aggressive.
It is important to be aware of our communication style to work on it. Many times our communication can be passive due to our insecurities or on the contrary, it can be more aggressive because we always feel defensive towards those around us.
Has it happened to you?
Tips to improve communication
One of the things you expect most from therapy sessions is all the tools we can provide you to improve your communication as a couple. That is why in this article we want to talk about it and help you.
Practice active listening
To practice active listening effectively in couple communication, it is useful to consider the following:
- Internal preparation: It is important to be aware of the content of our partner’s message, the objectives they wish to convey, and the feelings they express.
- Listening attitude: Show a receptive and attentive attitude both verbally and non-verbally. This involves nodding, summarizing what is being said, maintaining an appropriate tone of voice, maintaining eye contact, leaning your body toward your partner, and using gestures that show interest.
- Avoid common mistakes: Pay attention to avoid making mistakes while listening, such as interrupting the partner while they are speaking, judging what they are telling us, diverting the conversation towards our own experiences, or having answers prepared before they have fully expressed their problem or situation to us.
What would be some of the skills we can develop to practice active listening and improve communication as a couple?
- Show empathy: Try to understand and put yourself in the other’s shoes, recognizing their motives and listening to their feelings. It does not imply agreeing with their position but rather demonstrating understanding.
- Paraphrase: Repeat or verify with our own words what our partner just said. This helps us better understand your message and make sure we have understood it correctly.
- Reflect the emotional state: It is important to show our partner that we understand their emotions and feelings, reflecting them appropriately. This shows empathy and emotional connection.
- Emotionally validate: Accept and validate what the other person says, trying to understand their point of view and motives, even if we do not agree. It is important to show respect and acceptance.
These active listening skills can promote more effective communication and strengthen the connection in the relationship.
Communicate with empathy
Sometimes it is difficult to determine whether the lack of empathy in a couple comes from one or both partners. Often each person believes they understand the other’s needs, but in reality, it is a projection based on what we think they need. It is important to recognize this pattern and strive to truly understand the partner, actively listening and avoiding assumptions. Only in this way can we develop empathy and strengthen the connection in the relationship.
Avoid criticism and negative language
When we express ourselves critically and negatively we project incomprehension, invalidation, and therefore lack of empathy and active listening.
It is very important to validate our partner’s emotions beyond sharing them. Remember that it is one thing to understand what a person says and another, and very different, to share your opinion.
As a couple, it is important to see the different points of view and decide between both of you what is best for the relationship to work. It’s not so much about being right, but about reaching agreements to create a healthy relationship.
Establish quality moments to talk
When couple conflicts appear, the first thing we have to keep in mind is that at the moment of anger, it will be very difficult to have fluid and therefore quality communication. When we are angry, it is difficult to put empathy, assertiveness, and active listening into practice… and therefore it will be almost impossible to manage problems and solve them.
When we want to resolve conflicts, we always recommend looking for a time when both members of the couple are emotionally calm and have the ability and intention to connect with the other person. Furthermore, it is very important to find a space where both members have enough time to listen and exchange opinions.
Using “I” instead of “you” when expressing concerns
“You” messages are those in which we blame the other person for our problems and do not allow them to defend themselves. We use them when we are angry, disappointed, or hurt, as a way to express our complaint explosively. However, this way of communicating makes the situation worse, since it usually provokes an aggressive or negative response from the other, generating feelings of guilt and arguments.
There is a communication technique called “I message” that promotes assertiveness when formulating words and phrases, prioritizing respect and clarity.
I messages allow us to take responsibility for what we say without judging or cornering our partner since they are expressed from our first-person perspective. By using this type of language, we are communicating that what we express belongs only to us: our desires, ideas, and preferences. In this way, we convey to the other person that we are not blaming them for our feelings, but at the same time, we effectively express our disagreement.